I dug into my archives today, looking for exact birth stats for some of my kids (I knew my blog wouldn’t let me down!), and I was so delighted to read the detailed entries I posted up until their births. In the years before Facebook became a common way to connect, people followed me via my blog. I reached out via my blog. I recorded a lot more! It was my journal.
I miss that. I can’t promise I’ll blog daily again, but I would like to try to record some thoughts today, as I look forward to the birth of our seventh baby.
This pregnancy has both flown by and dragged on. Such is the case when you already have six children to care for. Physically, I am very ready for this little guy to be born. My body is tired, I’m not sleeping well, etc. I’ve had a lot more heartburn this time than with most others (except Ellery), so I half expect a redhead. (After her pregnancy, I read a study that correlated heartburn in pregnancy with redheaded babies! Really!) I’m ready to get my body back and exercise comfortably and have energy again. My core was in pretty poor shape prior to this (somewhat surprise) pregnancy, and now it’s just plain shot. I have diastasis recti and an umbilical hernia. I’m honored and blessed to have been able to grow one nearly-term and six full-term babies in this body; it’s truly an amazing miracle that I do not take lightly. But the result of that is a tired core that could have used some care and repair between babies. I’m guilty; I didn’t do enough. I’m looking forward to a restful post partum/babymoon period and then gently working my core back into shape. Whether or not God blesses us with more babies, this body needs to be strong to keep up with the seven I’ve already got!
Emotionally, I’m also ready to hold my son. I can’t wait to see what he looks like. We have such a genetic diversity in our family that the most fun part of seeing our newest child is discovering his features! The three sons we already have couldn’t be more varied physically if they tried: from almost-black brunette to bleach blond to light brown hair; from almost-black to bright blue to hazel-green eyes – those boys are a rainbow. I love it. I love them. It makes it likely, then that this 4th son will resemble one or more of this brothers. There aren’t a lot of choices left! If he has red hair and bright green eyes, we will truly have covered it all. I know the first couple of weeks just fly by – oh, how I know! – and I want to rush to get there and THEN hit the pause button and just savor this new guy. My babies grow so very fast that I have to sit and just stare at them every day those first weeks to truly take it all in.
Logistically, I’m not really ready. I have more organizing and cleaning to do in our master bedroom. We had some basement plumbing and water issues last month, and we are still putting things back together from that (both financially and furniture-wise!) and the house hasn’t felt fully clean since everything blew up. There are dozens of small home projects that both Jason and I would love to complete before the baby comes. But really, we know it’s not going to happen. We just want to feel more clean & organized and then enjoy our new boy.
The kids are so excited. Well, except Lyra. She just turned two Sunday (!!) and has NO IDEA how much her life is going to change. She’s very much the baby, and doesn’t even like it when I hold one of her brothers on my lap to read, so having a baby that doesn’t leave is going to shock her a bit. She does like to see babies, though, so I have hope that she will surprise me with her adjustment. She is the youngest to become an older sibling in our family (the other kids are all 2 yrs. 2 mos. – 2 yrs. 8 mos apart) so developmentally, I don’t think she grasps anything yet. The older kids are anxious to hold him, know his name, and even witness his labor. Maya (13) has witnessed three of her siblings’ births and wants to be present for this one. Ellery (11) wants to be around but isn’t sure she wants to be present for the actual birth. Asher (8) claims he wants to watch, but I’m not sure he knows enough about birth yet to make that decision. I made the girls watch birth videos before they decided in prior births, so perhaps that’s the way to go with him. I’d better get on that.
The younger kids will likely hang out at a friend’s house if it’s daytime. I kinda hope it’s nighttime so they can just sleep and wake up to a new baby, easy peasy (for them!). Lyra is extremely shy, so I don’t think she’ll do well at another home, and thus she’ll stay home with Ellery caring for her. At least that’s the plan.
In terms of progress: last week at 37 weeks, 1 day, I was 1.5 cm diated, 40% effaced, -1 station. I was surprised by how closed I was! And I was surprised again today, at 38 weeks even, to find that I’m only 2 cm, 70% effaced, and cervix quite posterior. I’ve never been less than a stretchy 3 cm at 38 weeks, that I can recall. (Gotta go back and read more blog archives, I guess!). And remember, I was 5 cm+, 75% effaced, and waters bulging at this stage with Asher! I’ve been crampy and having irregular contractions/prodromal labor for the past two weeks, so I expected more. I’m always more open and effaced at this point. I know, intellectually, that numbers don’t mean much and I could still give birth any time now, but I also have my prior six pregnancies to compare to. I am just always more physically ready at this point. Puzzling, isn’t it? I know myself well enough to know that all of my emotions are normal (I’m never going to have this baby, I’ll be pregnant forever, I can’t wait another 1-2 weeks, What if this means my labor will be longer/harder?). I’ve done this before. But it doesn’t negate that fact that the emotions/thoughts are really there, and I have to deal with them.
So now: my job is to be at peace. Be content with every single day this baby is cozy and healthy and safe inside me. Pray for his well being, for his safe arrival, and try to be present for my family as I await the birth (whenever it comes!). Besides my first, who was born at 35 weeks, 5 days, the earliest I’ve had a baby is 38 weeks, 5 days. That would be this coming Monday. And the, ahem, data seems to suggest we may have a bit longer to wait. Whatever, I can handle this. I’m going to spend tomorrow nesting a bit, spending extra quality time with my current baby, play games and read lots of books, tell my older kids how much I appreciate their help, remind my husband how much I love him…and I’m going to try very hard not to think about how I’m not in labor.